Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
