You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
