just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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