just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
