Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize