Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
