My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
