Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
