sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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