i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
