he thought i was a dude.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
