I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
