kristin has been a bad kristin
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
