yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize