**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
