Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
