I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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