so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this will be a night to untag.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
