I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
