Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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