I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
