Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
