Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize