just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
