I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
