I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
