Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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