I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
