my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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