I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
