you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
