I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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