The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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