I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
