Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
