Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
