i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
