Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
