What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
