You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
