The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
