Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize