The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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