HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
