happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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