I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
