We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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