My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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