wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
