I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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