Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
