i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize