Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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