OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize