I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
