she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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