he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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