im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am naked and annoyed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
