good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
