so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
