You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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