the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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