i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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