Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
