So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
