Already got asked if we're dating
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
