Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize