You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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