I am puke
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
