Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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