I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
