I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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