You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
