White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
