I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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