I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need a beard to bite.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
