So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he thought i was a dude.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
