I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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